Humility and Gratitude

May 15, 2009
You Only Live Once

(Originally written June 2007)

A beautiful woman died the other day. And, for my own life, I have no reason at all to complain.

Jacqui was to turn 28 in a month or so. She was a gorgeous, petite girl with striking eyes and auburn hair. She was filled with love and with an amazing energy for life. She was married just under 2 years to a wonderful man. But, she died. Of cancer.

I went to her funeral with that sick feeling in my stomach. Why this tragedy? Why would God allow such a wonderful young woman to be taken so soon? The scale of this injustice seemed almost too high to fathom. It was so absurd, so cruel, that amidst the anger, all I could do is laugh.

So, I prepared myself for my internal role at this service. To remember her, yes, to mourn her, but what I perhaps most anticipated was to join in with all the others in an angry cry to God. “How could you do this?!!” I imagined perhaps we’d all be shaking our fists at heaven and condemning God for his rank stupidity and carelessness.

But what awaited me there was something altogether different. What I found wasn’t some paltry jury full of vindictive, bitter God-haters, but a group of family and friends who had come to celebrate a miracle. Through personal stories and the pastor’s eulogy, I was reminded that Jacqui’s life, although way too short, was one of victory. And that nothing so simple as death could stifle that.

By her own public admission, Jacqui had been delivered from a past of hopelessness, where in a sense, though still living and breathing, she was already dead to anything that mattered. She had a baby daughter while still in her teens. Her life was devoted to the numb pleasure of drugs and recklessness, falling in and out of selfish, superficial relationships. Her behavior became so bad, that the powers-that-be removed her daughter, and so the one good thing she had produced in life was also taken from her.

But, then, in her early 20s, she started attending church and the miracle, although slowly, began to happen. Within a few years, she began to see that there was more to life than her own self-destructive desires, that God had a plan for her to rise out of the pit of her own making, and that no matter who she had been, God wanted to breathe into her a new life and a fresh start. She became free of the drugs, met and married a man who didn’t run when things got tough, and after everything, achieved a goal she once may not have thought possible–she was given her daughter back.

Sitting at her funeral, I was reminded that amidst her past failures and future triumphs, Jacqui embodied two characteristics that I have found to be crucial to knowing true happiness–humility and gratitude. Jacqui was humble. After committing herself to God and seeing the changes he was working in her life, she knew that any value or worth that she had came solely from him. She once offered to help out around the church, but felt so unworthy at the time that she asked if she could serve in a capacity where she would “remain unseen.” The process of change was long and tedious, but when she made a particular commitment to alter her behavior, she stuck to it. At one point, feeling she was perhaps falling back into the overwhelming desire to do drugs again, she independently entered rehab to make sure the change would stick. Her humility strengthened her resolve to rise above who she had once been.

And, Jacqui was grateful. She saw that she’d been given a precious gift, and that, no matter what future lay before her, she would never take it for granted. So, when she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and was progressively given news that her body was failing her, her sense of humility and gratitude never left her. In the latter stages of her sickness when all physical hope was lost, she wrote a friend a letter in which she referenced a passage of Scripture that had encouraged her deeply:

We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed…All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.*

Freed from her own self-indulgence, Jacqui was able to see that 1) we should be humbled by the fact that none of us are guaranteed our next breath, and that, 2) we should be grateful for the life we have been given. And because of her commitment to God and his Son, Jacqui knew that the life she’d been given would go on forever. And that her miraculous transformation of character, her new husband, the return of her daughter, were just a small taste of what that new life would be like. Jacqui was humble. She was grateful.

So, I look to my own life and see that it’s not about what’s happening around me, or even what’s happening inside me, i.e., my health, etc., but how I choose to respond to it all. Believe me, I can often find myself griping about the smallest offense, or the silliest disappointment, but for my own life, I just have no reason to complain.

You see, I often don’t have control over what will happen to me when I step out of bed each day, but I do have control over my perspective. When I’m feeling down about my life, about the people who’ve hurt me, about how I’m not getting my just due, or even about how God could allow people like Jacqui to suffer and die, there are specific traits that are missing from my psyche. I’m not truly humble. And, I’m not grateful. When I really get honest with myself, I have far more reasons to be humble and grateful than I have reasons to complain.

But, the hurts and disappointments of life keep coming at us, don’t they? So, amidst my own self-indulgence, this true perspective of life must be renewed each day. My perspective must ultimately be about who I am before God in the context of eternity, more than who I am in this relatively short visit to planet Earth.

If you find yourself in the pit of depression, despair or bitterness, I know that this might seem like a tall order. But it is possible. Sometimes, it needs to just begin with a single area of focus, and we can grow from there. So, I’ll start with Jacqui. I am humbled by her amazing life and am most grateful to have known her. And now, not surprisingly, my life is a whole lot brighter for having entertained that thought.

* 2 Corinthians 4:7-9,15-18


About John Michalak


An author and speaker, John Michalak has spent more than 25 years encouraging others in the areas of life-change and personal relationship. John’s inspirational book, 365 Devotions To Embrace What Matters Most is available from places like AmazonBarnes and Noble, and most everywhere books are sold.

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  • Mary DeMuth
    May 15, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Great, inspiring post!

  • David Longoria
    December 2, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    How powerful it is to remember that God has so much to show in each life. I feel so small when I see how many people God has created, yet He reminds me that I am important in His eyes and special just as this young lady was. God also shows us a lot about Himself and about the preciousness of life in each of us. How can I be angry at the creator who owns everything He has created, including every person? When He chooses to allow a life to end, I must try to understand the un-understandable. My own brain is just not capable of comprehending all the reasons God has in starting and stopping the lives of precious people. Yet we are left with the history of the lives those people have touched and how God revealed myriads of things to each of us through that life.

  • Ray
    December 2, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    John – It amazes me how often I receive answers to questions within my own heart and soul simply by doing what you’ve done, and that is to write out your innermost feelings. There is a verse in the OT where it tells the story of how David encouraged himself. I think this could be said about your reflections of Jacqui. I took courage for you to share your feelings. I commend you…

  • Linda Baker
    December 2, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Your words are powerful beyond measure. Thank you for sharing them in your time of grief. Jacqui was lucky to have friends like you and she was God’s child and is reunited, as we all hope to be someday, with HIM. May you find comfort and strength in this time. You are a wise man! Love, Linda

  • Amanda Kay
    December 2, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Wow. Like I definitely never knew your friend, but she has touched me. Or her life story through your words have. And this is definately something that i was meant to read and hear. Thank you…

  • Erika
    December 2, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Thank you.

  • Finger Style
    December 2, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Thanks you for sharing this truth of a person that I have never had the pleasure to meet. I feel as I have met her.

    With Praises to the God we love, FingerStyle.

  • Benjamin
    December 2, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Oh for the day when death will pass away, and all things being made new will shine!

    But until such time as our troubles are gone, may our lives be gifts to His Son!

    I long for the day when we will gather at the feet of Jesus and we will know the greatness of the Home He has prepared for us, not for our sakes but that finally His reward will have been given to Him. The underground Christians in China have a saying: Zin Jin Bu Bou How Lian. Which being translated is: Real gold fears no fire.

    And Jacqui surely feared no fire because she lived daily to be refined so that one day she would walk on streets of God so pure, but the gold is nothing compared to her life.

  • Isle Mitsu Yur Bishi
    December 2, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Well put, my unknown friend. I was at a memorial service this week as well and I could very much relate to many thoughts and feelings you expressed.

  • Beth
    December 2, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    I lost a baby to crib death 12 years ago Monday April 24th. The Bible teaches us that God writes all the days He has planned for us in His book before there is even one of them. Ps. 139 From God’s perspective He gives each one of us a goal/purpose for being on the earth. When we accomplish this goal/purpose we are taken to our reward. It is like a graduation.

    I believe that we will recieve treasure in heaven for every life our lives have touched during our time on earth and after we leave. Your friend’s life touched me today. It changed me. She will continue to change your life and the lives you touch with her story. God has trusted you with this sorrow. He will continue to reward you and her for a life lived for His Glory!!


  • Lillenan
    December 2, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord…I find peace in this..My son was 19 years old when he took his journey to be with God. I never asked God why..just was happy that Michael was allowed to go home to to be with God, and that one day we will meet again.

    It s not easy to be a Mom who has lost a child, no matter what the age, but what you say here is very true, it is how you look at it. I was blessed to have my son in my life and my life has been blessed beyond measure for have known him. I miss him everyday and love him greater with each passing day, and though he is not physically with me I carry him in my heart.

  • Omar
    December 2, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Wow thanks so much for sharing such a sobering thought.

    – Omar

  • Sarah Valley
    December 2, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    John-I identify with this story so much! My mother-in-law passed away from bone cancer this past Easter Sunday (what a great day to go home to our Savior!) She passed away at the young age of 52 and instead of great anger at her death there was great joy because of who she was in Christ. Only with the hope of Christ is it possible to respond to a person’s death like Kathy’s (my mother-in-law) or like Jacqui’s with such assuredness and joy and laughter as you say! Praise God that he carries our burdens. I find it interesting that that passage from 2 Corinthians was also one that we turned to as a family during Kathy’s lasts days. You are also so right that we have a choice each day of our perspective. How we choose to view and respond to the trials of life is a choice that we are given daily. Thank you so much for encouraging with your words and may you yourself be encouraged daily as Christ continues to mold us into a reflections of Himself! Blessings!

  • Beyond FM
    December 2, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Awesome stuff.

  • Mick Kutmas
    December 2, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Thanks brother I am in the dumper a little myself today, but I now, through Gods grace, choose to rise above my circumstance.

    Thanks, Mick

  • Carolyn Burns Bass
    December 2, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    John, this is a lovely tribute to your friend Jacqui and a thoughtful view of the basis of faith.

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